Family enmeshment is a dysfunctional family dynamic that is passed down through generations. We tend to recreate the family dynamics that we grew up in because they are familiar. Most often, family enmeshment is a result of trauma or illness (addiction, mental illness) but this is not always able to pinpoint due to the family dynamic being passed down through so many generations.
Some signs of family enmeshment are:
• You want to please or take care of others often neglecting your own needs
• You feel responsible for others happiness
• You are guilted and shamed when you try to set boundaries such as making less contact with family (talking once a week on the phone instead of everyday) or making a decision to benefit you (moving to another state for a job opportunity)
• Your family’s worth hinges on your accomplishments or success
• You have little personal space or privacy in your life
• Your family does not encourage you to follow your dreams and imposes their ideas about what you should be doing
• Your parents treat you like a friend and overshare inappropriate personalinformation
• You experience difficulty developing self-identity apart from family or partners
• You experience Intense fear of conflict or abandonment
• It is unacceptable to have beliefs, views, or opinions that differ from family norms
Families need boundaries to create safety in having a separation in identity. It helps to establish respect for one another and to encourage pursuit of individual goals for self not for family’s wellbeing.
There are ways to end passing down family enmeshment. Such as, starting to set boundaries in relationships. This will allow you to communicate more openly what you are comfortable with as far as physical and emotional boundaries not what you feel you “should” be comfortable with. Also, discover interest outside of family or relationships. Try to become more aware of when you feel guilty and why. How does this create barriers to you exploring your self-identity?
Lastly, seek support. Healing from family enmeshment can be overwhelming and can often times cause some conflict within families. It is important to have support through this process and the ability to have a safe place to learn how to set boundaries and explore self-identity.
Family enmeshment is a dysfunctional family dynamic that is passed down through generations. We tend to recreate the family dynamics that we grew up in because they are familiar. Most often, family enmeshment is a result of trauma or illness (addiction, mental illness) but this is not always able to pinpoint due to the family dynamic being passed down through so many generations.